


Your Safe Place

by xevinx



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, E rating for last chapter, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, he takes no shit when it comes to Will's safety, protective frederick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 22:58:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12617452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xevinx/pseuds/xevinx
Summary: Will's decision to resume consulting for the FBI rakes over old wounds, but Frederick is determined to get him through it — and get throughto him.





	1. Chapter 1

Frederick was growing certain that one of these days he was going to snap and pull a Lecter on Jack Crawford. This day was disturbingly close to being that day.

As they lounged in Will's living room reading, dogs snoozing in various corners of the place, Frederick's boyfriend had dropped a bombshell on him. He had informed him that Jack Crawford was trying to get him back out from behind his desk again, to consult for the BAU on a new case involving yet another serial killer. Frederick should have known that this was coming; the agent lacked any semblance of tact whatsoever and as they all knew quite too well, was not above employing irresponsible means to get what he wanted.

"Frederick?" Will snapped the other out of his thoughts and as he shifted from his armchair to the couch beside Chilton, he braced himself for a difficult conversation.

"What am I supposed to say, Will?" The irritation in Frederick's voice was poorly masked, if at all. "That's absolutely fantastic, you should by all means jump _right back_ into the swing of things?"

"Of course not."

"I don't want you to do it," Frederick whispered in total honesty. "What did you expect me to say?"

“I don't  _want to_  do it either."

"You feel as though you have to." 

"I just.. I doubt that I could live at all comfortably with the weight of knowing there were lives out there that I could have saved if I only had _tried,_ if I had only been a little stronger."

_Please don't hate me for this. Please understand._

Chilton understood. He didn't like it, but he understood. With a heavy sigh he shrugged his shoulders, outwardly despondent. "The decision is yours to make Will, not mine, and it sounds as though you already have made it."

"No, I – I'm not alone, anymore. I understand that the decisions I make affect not only myself, but the both of us." He leaned over to take both of Frederick's hands in his own and beseeched him with his eyes. "That's why I wanted us to have a proper conversation about it. I'm listening."

Frederick tried to focus less on the way his heart fluttered when Will called them _us,_ a joint unit, and more on the way that he was opening himself up to reasonable disagreement.

"You're too good for your own good, that's what it is," Frederick declared. "I can't blame you, because it is one of the reasons I fell in love with you. But I'm not as selfless as you, Will. Fuck, I’m not selfless at all. Above everything else, and _everyone_ else out there, I need _you_ to be  _safe_."

There were tears welling in his eyes and they didn't go unnoticed. Will shuffled along the couch to wrap his arms around Chilton, to comfort him, and their breathing gradually fell into sync.

"I feel safe with you, Frederick," he mumbled into the crook of the other's neck. "I feel safe when we're together."

"I do too."

"That won't change."

"No, but when you're out there alone..." Frederick pulled away, the terror that tainted his voice similarly reflected in his eyes as they engaged the other's. "Will, surely you understand how I feel? How I'll be paralysed with fear that you won't come back the same? Or, dare I even think, _at all?"_

_I want you more than I have ever wanted anything in my life and I can't lose you now._

"I'm scared as well, don't think for a second that I'm not. But you did it. You went back to work at the hospital after Abel Gid–"

"That's not the same," Frederick interjected, gaze lowered as he played with Will's fingers. "I hold a share of blame for everything that happened with Gideon — but _nothing_ that happened to you was in any way warranted."

Graham actively chose to move the conversation on and away from the topic of Abel Gideon, an even sorer spot psychologically for his former psychiatrist than the scar he left him with. After all, Will was most certainly not trying to emotionally manipulate Frederick into supporting this decision of his.

As unlikely as it once might have seemed, and as much work as it had taken, the two men had built a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding, values that he was committed to upholding.

"Yes, there's undeniably a risk here," Will conceded. "But where isn't there one? And _he's_ not here anymore. I won't slip as deep I did then, this is different _._ I know the pitfalls and believe that I can avoid them." Determination sparkled in Graham's eyes. "I can't tiptoe around for the rest of my life."

Frederick nodded defeatedly, despite the fact that he was still wrangling with acceptance inside. Over the past minutes he had reached silent understanding from between the lines of Will's words that this was what Will felt that he needed to do feel whole again, to feel _useful._ So Frederick would support him accordingly. He had to be strong for Will; he had to be on his side, in his corner fully and resolutely. 

"Just... promise me that you'll be careful. And that if things ever start feeling like even a little too much for you to handle, you will immediately extricate yourself from the situation. Promise me, Will."

"I promise you."

"Okay, then."

Although his calmer, rational side respected Will's decision there was still something that Frederick needed to do, for his own peace of mind. Someone he needed to talk to.

* * * * *

"Hello Agent Crawford, this is Frederick Chilton."

Frederick tapped the pen in his hand against the arm of his chair where he sat slouched in his office, legs crossed and feet propped up on the corner of his desk.

"Dr Chilton. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Even though Crawford couldn't see them, Frederick rolled his eyes. It was no secret that the two of them disliked each other but he was doing this for Will and that mattered above everything else.

"If only it were a pleasure. I'm calling about Will."

"Yes?"

"You have quite the cheek to be pulling him back out into the field after everything that’s happened."

"Will sees connections where nobody else does. On a big case like this, he’s invaluable."

_Damn right Will was invaluable._

Frederick leaned forward, elbows propped up on his desk as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. He had to keep his cool.

"My priority is Will's psychological wellbeing and I am calling to ensure that you keep it at the very forefront of your mind."

"I wasn't aware that he was still seeing you, Doctor."

_"I'm sorry?"_

"I didn’t know that you were taking on patients outside of the hospital," elaborated Jack, his voice calm and even in striking contrast to Chilton's near venomous tone.

"I'm not."

The penny dropped. It finally became clear to Frederick that Jack had absolutely no clue that about his and Will’s relationship. Will hadn't told him. But why? Was he ashamed of them? Of _him?_

There were only a few moments of silence while Chilton’s mind raced, but it felt infinitely longer to him and he found himself suddenly blurting out: "Will's my – we're dating!"

"Oh. Oh, I... I had no idea. That's..."

"Yes." Frederick cleared his throat. _Dating_ was not the best choice of word. Christ, that sounded like they were just teenagers messing around or something. Well, it was out now. He briskly pulled his focus back to the crucial issue. "Don't break him again, don't even let him get close to the edge. Or I swear to God and whatever other powers there be that I will unleash wrath upon your department that will make my previous lawsuit pale in comparison."

Jack's shock was silent and yet somehow  _very loud_. "I understand. I do care about Will too, Dr Chilton."

"Clearly you didn't care enough."

"I'm glad that he has you looking out for him."

"Yes, well, he _deserves_ that."

"He does."

"Goodbye, Jack. I sincerely hope that we won't have to speak again."

* * * * *

A knock on the door, one he recognised. Frederick glanced upwards and closed the file he was reading and pushed it across the desk in one swift motion.

"Come in," he called over, sitting up straight in his chair as his feet swung back down onto the floor. "Will, I... wasn't expecting you."

"We broke for a quick lunch." Appearing nothing short of shellshocked, Graham lingered near the door.

_Was he expecting to make a rapid exit?_

"I assume that Jack told you about our conversation, didn't he?"

A curt nod was all that Frederick received in response. Will was unsure where the hell to begin, and there was stark discomfort written all over his face. He had been at the lab working on forensics with Price and Zeller and catching up on the details of the case when Jack had taken him aside for a word.

"I suppose I... fucked up." Head lowered, Frederick kept the expression on his face severe — as if he was used to apologising, which most certainly was not the case. "I shouldn't have said anything about us, and..."

"That's what you're worried about?"

"Yes, isn't that why you're here?" Chilton's head snapped back up so he could look at the other man directly.

Will shook his own, the corners of his lips downturned as he stepped further into the room. "I would hesitate to call Jack Crawford my best friend. I hadn't mentioned... _us_ to him because it just didn't come up, I didn't think it was relevant to our work."

"It isn't, well, it _wasn't_ until now. So you're not angry that I blabbed?"

"Of course not. It isn't a _secret_. I'm here because of what else you said to Jack, which was really... sweet of you."

Frederick inwardly cursed the blood that decided to rush to his cheeks in full force. He rose to his feet and while buttoning up his blazer ambled around the desk to come face-to-face with Will.

"I don't want to give him the opportunity to walk all over you, I needed him to know that I am holding him accountable."

"Already?"

"Yes, already."

Will reached his hands out to hold gently onto Chilton's upper arms. "Still, I can't quite believe you gave him such an earful. Something about unleashing your terror, he said."

"My _wrath,"_ Frederick mumbled, bracing himself against the desk with both hands, and his blush only darkened with those words; there was no fighting it at this point.

Will, _bless his heart,_ tried to save him. "So, are we still on for dinner tonight?"

"Uh, absolutely, on my part. But you..." Frederick quirked a brow, questioning.

"I'll escape in time. I have –"

"– You _have_ to eat at some point," Chilton almost scolded.

"Exactly," Will replied with a contained grin. "I knew you'd say that. Okay, see you then."

They kissed goodbye briefly — much too briefly — and Will began to depart, smile still lingering on his lips. However he hesitated when his hand grasped the doorknob, turned back on his heels.

"Thank you again. For looking out for me."

Chilton crossed his arms over his chest and regarded Graham with unbridled commitment in his eyes. "I have your back, Will. Always."

And dear god, did he mean that. One of the last people who had professed to having Will's back when he was out in the field had stabbed him right in the front, and the others let it happen.

Not again, not on his watch.

* * * * *

Early that evening, Chilton emerged from a three hour long meeting about medicinal expenses, brain fried, to find a voicemail from Will. His heart leapt into his throat, instincts screaming at him that something was definitely wrong.

_"Fred – I need to talk to you, please call me when you get this message."_

Fingers trembling as he tapped at his phone, Chilton did just as he was instructed. The two complete loops of the ringtone before the phone was picked up felt like an eternity.

"Will, what's going on? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Frederick. Calm down. I just won't be able to make dinner."

"Oh." Frederick knew there was more to this, so he waited.

"There’s been a new spate of murders just outside the city, so I have to go."

So Will was on his way to his first crime scene in almost two years. Of course Frederick had known this was coming, but his stomach still dropped in shock as a first response. 

"Remember to eat! And please be safe, Will."

Nausea rose in his throat and lightheadedness threatened to overcome him; this kind of fear was all too familiar for Frederick but nonetheless potent for that.

"I will. I love you, Fred."

Chilton gripped his phone tighter and the edges dug uncomfortably into his palm. "I love you too." _So much._

"I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

Except they didn't talk soon. They exchanged _good morning_ and _good night_ messages, not much more. With it being the first time Will was immersed in a case after so long, Frederick actually tended towards giving him space for him to come to grips with that environment — surprised as he was by his own behaviour. It stemmed mostly from being doubtful whether Will would benefit in any way from his intrusion.

That didn't make the distance any easier to bear. He was consumed with anxiety, as well as straight out missing his boyfriend. Despite his previous fascination he felt not even a shred of curiosity about Will's 'thing'; that had disappeared without a trace since he became more personally occupied with the man himself.

Haunted also by a subconscious fear of pushing him away by smothering him, Frederick truly believed by taking a step back he was doing what Will wanted. But it wasn't easy on Will at all.

Being dragged back into that world, even though it was somewhat willingly, was a terrible shock to his system. It made him desperately yearn to clutch onto an anchor, something that would ground him in his own reality — but reaching out to Frederick when he was so used to isolating himself and feigning stability was no easy feat.

It was four days of living hell before Will cracked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frederick is Stubborn™, of course he is, but for once in a very important way.

"Frederick?"

A soft smile danced onto Chilton's lips. God, it was so good to hear his voice, like the first rain after a year-long drought.

"Hi, Will."

"Hi." That single syllable alone was enough to carry across some of the saturating pain that permeated his being.

"Will, are you crying?"

"I didn't know what to do," he sniffed ungraciously, "so I called you, I'm sorry if I woke y–"

"Don't apologise. If anything, you should have called me sooner."

"I really... I feel..." Will wasn't used to articulating his emotions — or rather, out of practice. He tried to muffle the sob that was rising from his chest, but Frederick still heard it.

"Not good." He thought that they'd start there.

"Yeah." Will's voice was barely audible on the other side of the line. "Not good."

"Is there anything that I can do?" Frederick offered, and he received no reply. "Will? Is there anything I can do for you?"

Graham concentrated his efforts into steadying his shaky speech. "I understand  _completely_  if you don't want to see me when I'm like this... but I'd really like to see you."

"Of course. I would have been there sooner but you hadn't reached out and... I thought you'd want your space. I didn't want to get in your way or intrude on your –  _process_."

"No, I've just – I've been all over the place," Will explained, and it sounded as though the flow of his tears had ceased, at least temporarily. "I'm not working a simple 9 to 5 anymore and I can never tell when it is that I'll get a chance to run home to sleep or –"

"Are you home now?"

"I just got back for the night."

"I'm com– can I come over then?" Chilton blurted out, eagerness speeding up his usually relaxed cadence. "Tonight?"

Will checked his watch and the time astounded him so much he did a double take. The hours had flown by.  _Frederick was really ready to drive an hour and a half in pitch black darkness on a cold winter night for him?_

"Um, it's so late, I should probably get some sleep soon; I've been up for over 24 hours." That didn't mean he didn't want Frederick to be there. He needed him, in fact, he needed so much for him to be tangible when everything else was adrift and his mind was endlessly playing games with him. "I'll wait for you in bed?"

"Yes, you get in bed then, I'll be there with you before you know it. I love you."

"Love you too."

* * * * *

"Will?" came Frederick's muffled voice through the windowpane of the front door.

"Door's open," he called back, not shifting from where he was sat in the middle of his bed, curled up in a ball and clutching his knees.

"Did I wake you?" asked Frederick as he stepped into the house properly, shrugging off then hanging up his coat. A few of the dogs marched up to greet him and he returned the sentiment halfheartedly.

"No, you didn't." There was a glaze over Will's eyes, as though they were seeing something somewhere in another dimension, as though he wasn’t really there in the room with Frederick.

"Come on, get in bed then. It's chilly in here." Most of the windows were open, Frederick had noticed that from outside. "Freezing, really."

"It is?" questioned Will, brows furrowed in confusion, and he received an animated nod in reply. "Sorry. I was hot."

"You'll catch pneumonia or something like this."

Chilton ambled around the edge of the room, closing all of the windows in turn. But it was still going to take some time for Will’s ancient space heaters to heat up the place again.

"I think I'll need to borrow some clothes to sleep in."

"Yeah, uh, up on the – on the dresser."

The sweatpants and t-shirt that Frederick sought out in the darkness with outstretched hands smelled of Graham. He changed into them as quickly as he could before crawling into bed beside Will and turning to face him. But he was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling and yet at nothing at all. For a moment Frederick doubted whether the other man genuinely wanted him there at a time like this, when he was so deeply immersed in a case he couldn't be fully present.

"I missed you," Will then said with such sincerity that much of Frederick's fears were — perhaps wrongfully — allayed, drowned out by the love that Graham radiated.

"I missed you too."

"I'm sorry I'm not quite...  _here_. The truth is that when I'm on a case like this – I really find it difficult to separate myself."

"I understand."

"But it's unfair on you and I –"

"Unfair  _on me?"_  Chilton sounded almost outraged as he reached out to rest a hand on Will's shoulder. "Listen to me. I'm here to make this time easier for you, I'm here to be a rock for you to lean on. Not something more for you to have to worry about.  _I'm fine._  Okay?"

Graham gave a small nod but remained silent.

"You don't have to – think to hide what you're going through from me. This, here, is where you  _let it go,_  as best you can. With me."

"Thank you," Will murmured, but he wasn't done there. "Maybe I'm just worried that clutching onto you is a bad idea. That I'm going to drag you down the rabbit hole with me."

Frederick interlocked their hands on Will's pillow, squeezing slightly. "Holding on to me is the only way I can drag you back out. I don't mind,  _really_. I  _want_  to be here holding onto you."

Sadly, holding onto him didn't work out. 

Will failed to sleep for even just one uninterrupted hour at any point that night and Frederick was in no way oblivious to that. He was a heavy sleeper himself, tired too, but he was roused every time that Graham jerked awake, then tossed and turned as he struggled to drift off again.

Frederick didn't say anything the first few times, not wanting to needlessly hassle Will by making a big deal out of what could have been nothing, really. After all, Will  _did_  fall back asleep every time.

By the fourth time, though, Chilton knew it wasn't nothing. That time he gave Will's arm a comforting squeeze and waited for his breathing to fall back into a calmer rhythm, unconsciously matching the inhalations and exhalations with his own.

The fifth time, when Will's whole upper body jumped up and he sat there shuddering, head buried in his hands, Frederick rubbed comforting circles into his back, still silent but continuing once Graham lay down again.

Just after 4am, Frederick woke up to the sound of one of the dogs barking, and his arms found the bed empty beside him. Panicked, he caught up to Will in the doorway to the kitchen, not awake but not totally asleep. The combination of shock and sheer concern written all over Chilton's face was received only by Winston at their feet, who he gave a little pat of reassurance as he took a gentle hold of Will.

Frederick wasn't sure whether Will had woken up during his guided walk back to bed — until he heard a soft whimper of a  _‘thank you’_  from beside him.

His heart wrenched for the umpteenth time that night. And that wasn't all, either. Will woke a few times more and all that Frederick wanted was to hold and soothe him, but Will's night terrors eliminated the possibility of the face-to-face cuddling that they usually preferred. And so Frederick seriously wondered what good he was doing there, because he felt utterly useless.

Yes, he had given Graham the green light to try working with the BAU again and that was all well and good in theory. But now that he was confronted with the very real effects that this case was having on Will, he couldn't keep mum. There was a conversation that he highly doubted would run smoothly, but that was begging to be had. In fact, Chilton couldn't even wait until after breakfast to broach the subject.

"Do you want to talk about it? Might that help?"

"I don't." Will kept his head down, pointedly directing his attentions towards his bowl of cereal rather than Chilton. "The case is still going on and we don't feel close to an answer, not really. We're short on evidence, so that's that."

Frederick couldn't believe that Will really expected him to accept that evasive answer focused solely on the case rather than in any way on himself.

"Alright, I will rephrase that." Patience became him, and he was proud of it. "Do you want to talk about how the case is  _affecting you?"_

"This wasn't the first night you've seen me struggle with sleep –"

"No, but it was the worst by far. It is a hardly a push to recognise the influence that this work is having on you!"

If only he had seen how bad the last two nights had been.

Still, there was something in Chilton's voice that ground on Will's nerves — and somehow transported him right back to the BSHCI, caged by bars and wrongfully accused. He stood and turned to the kitchen counter, fiddling with the loaf that sat there to pull out two slices that he then placed into the toaster.

"Please don't talk to me like I'm one of your patients," Will said through gritted teeth, punctuating his words by pushing the lever of the toaster down with an unnecessary amount of force. "Because  _I'm not."_

Where Graham had only hours previously sought comfort and solace he now clung,  _obstinate,_  to his privacy — to his isolation. The light of day had changed him, the harsh reality that it brought with itself always did. If the nights were difficult, the days weren't far behind. At least there was a barrier between him and the contents of his dreams, which was less than could be said for the horrors of the real world.

"You know full well that I did  _not at all_  intend to treat you in that way." Frederick rose to his feet too, on the other side of the dining table. "Don't be  _cruel,_  Will. You do that when you get defensive." He stood his ground, fire creeping into his voice too.

But for as much as he was trying to push his way behind the shield, he was met with persistent and significant resistance.

"Just let things be, alright?"

Frederick couldn't ignore the stark contrast of the shell of a man before him, lashing out as he was, to the Will that had spoken softly and rationally about his decision less than a week ago. It was an understatement to say that Graham was deep in a bad place and Frederick was bearing the brunt of it despite not being its cause. Hell, a part of the cause of Will's foul mood was actually the prospect of leaving Frederick's warmth, his  _safety,_  and going back out into the dangerous, unpredictable world of this case.

"What happened to 'we're in this together'? I'm only trying to help."

"Well, don't," Graham spat out, hands balled into fists, but then his countenance softened with guilt. "There isn't anything you can do, Frederick."

"I beg to differ." Chilton put his hands on his hips and stared Will down, not looking particularly formidable wearing sweats and with unbrushed hair, but trying nonetheless. "I was so relieved when you called me over here but you're really not done isolating yourself, are you? I'm fighting an uphill battle."

"You're  _incredibly_  fucking stubborn, do you know that? I didn't ask you to –"

"So what, I care! And I'm not sure that you of all of people have much of a leg to stand on in regards to being stubborn." Frederick’s voice rose far above a normal volume for the first time thus far and he spoke with his hands as much as his mouth, all pointed fingers and over-the-top gestures. "You're still working this goddamn case even though it's ruining you!"

"No! It – it isn't!"

Before Chilton could refute that, which he absolutely intended to do — and strongly — the air between them was filled by the sudden buzz of Will's phone on the table, followed close after by a loud ringtone. Will glanced between Frederick and the phone a couple of times as Jack's name flashing up on the screen for them both to see, then dared to pick it up. The conversation lasted less than ten seconds, with little input from Will's end.

"I need to take a shower and get dressed."

With that, he walked right out and up the stairs without so much as a backwards glance.

As Frederick remained standing in the middle of the room, deafening silence echoed in the aftermath of their disagreement. They had fought before, but only meaningless bickering that was quickly resolved and forgotten about. This felt worse. He threw the rest of his breakfast away and curled up into a ball on the couch in the living room, burdened with unease as he listened to the white noise of the shower running upstairs.

When he heard the bathroom door opening and closing again Chilton shot up to sit straight, back against the couch and perhaps more importantly facing away the direction that Will would emerge from. He had his game face on.

Eventually there came the sound of footsteps crescendoing behind him, down the stairs and across the wooden floor until they stopped entirely. Warm arms were slung around Frederick's neck from behind the couch.

The hot shower had somewhat snapped Graham out of his defensiveness, woken him up and shone a floodlight on both his current state and his subpar behaviour.

"I'm sorry. I was an ass," he mumbled, kneeling down.

"Yes you were," Frederick agreed, but he didn't turn to offer Will his gaze. "But you're  _my_... ass."

"Thank you for being here. Really."

"That's a given. But let me do more than just  _be here."_

Historically, neither of the two men were big sharers. The majority of the time just  _being there_  for each other was enough to enrich their lives; after all, they had both spent the bulk of their years in complete solitude. The deeper things they generally tended to get across with non-verbal cues and sex was a great bonus, too. But none of the above were going to solve the current situation. Real action was needed.

As Chilton finally twisted around in his seat Will loosened his grip on him, but he caught Will's hands in his own before they could retreat out of reach.

"Please let me help you, otherwise... what are the two of us even playing at here?"

Questioning their relationship wasn't a road Will wanted to venture down because in all honesty he felt incredibly secure in it, it was the most stable presence in his life in years, and he still feared a little that what Chilton was asking of him may shake its very foundation.

But Will had to give him something, he knew that much. In a way, he actually wanted to open up, even in spite of being once burned and now shy for it.

"I know you might not quite understand why I'm so determined to continue working on this..."

"I have some idea, Will. I suppose you don't think very much of my intuition but I'm not all that awful at my job."

"I never said that –"

"That's besides the point. What I am saying is that  _yes,_  of course you want to do good, save lives, but there's an ulterior motive too."

"What might you think that is?"

"You need to prove to yourself that you  _can_  do it, that you are strong enough." Frederick's voice dropped to a whisper. "But pushing yourself all the way to breaking point in order to display the extent of your strength is...  _foolish,_ because it's so very risky."

"What else am I supposed to do?" wondered Will, searching desperately for direction. He shuffled around to get onto the couch himself and sit beside Frederick, one pair of their hands still joined.

"Firstly, help me understand further. I still don't quite understand why it is that proving yourself in that way holds  _such precedence_  in your mind." I know that you have already entrusted me with parts of your life that you haven't ever shared with anyone before. I feel honoured. But you are still holding back and I don't understand what it is that you are afraid of. Why can't you just talk to me?"

When Will finally had an answer, it was expressed in hesitance, barely above a whisper as he fidgeted nervously with Frederick's fingers. "I'm afraid that once  _certain things_  are out in the open you won't see me the same way."

"It's me. I know you." Frederick entwined his fingers with Will's and then pulled them, linked as they were, to rest against his chest. "It's me and regardless of whatever it is that might be going on in your head right now, I love you."

Will thought back to Hannibal's trial, to having to testify about all the horrific things that he had been through. Every last one. The way that Frederick had held his hand through every hearing, the way he had stood stalwart beside him, protecting him from the ruthless reporters and his psychiatrist colleagues alike. Loving him so much. Always.

Always believing him to be supremely worthy of that love.

"The way you look at me..." Will began, "it's like I'm some good and pure being, as though I've been done wrong by the world and I'm worthy of so much better." He kept gaze lowered, as if in shame. "It's selfish, but I  _need_  that. With how I feel about myself most of the time, I don't want to taint your view of me."

"Will... firstly, it isn't selfish to want to be loved. You allow yourself so little, it's  _astonishing_. You don't need to be seen as perfect to be at all lovable. I have never believed you to be flawless, but I still love  _the essence_  of you. And the things that I love you for are not going to change if you're honest with me about this."

What Frederick said to him — which was essentially being called  _flawed_ — felt freeing, amazingly enough. Will was softening, slowly but surely, but there were still shields up in place.

"You can't promise me that," he retorted.

"Yet here I am, doing exactly that." Chilton cocked his head to one side. "I have flaws, don't I?"

With an eyebrow quirked Will finally looked up, and at the other closely. "That feels like a trick question."

Frederick's lips tightened into a thin line. "I assure you it's not."

"Then yes, you do have... some flaws."

"Do you still love me?"

There was a slight insecurity held in Chilton's upwards intonation and if they weren't in the middle of such a trying conversation, Will would have kissed him silly to convince him that yes,  _of course he loved him._ He settled for only the verbal reply instead.

"Of course I love you." 

"Then there it is. Why do you hold yourself to such unrealistic standards? Need I remind you that somewhat dark, questionable pasts come a dime a dozen around here? So _go on."_

"I don't know where to start; it's all so complicated in my head sometimes that I can't see the wood for the trees."

"Why don't we start with Abigail?

Graham's eyes widened in shock and his pulse picked up. "Why?"

"I heard you babble her name a few times in the night."

Will sighed deeply right from the bottom of his lungs, and then, feeling the thud of Frederick's heart against the back of his hand, he took a few more slow breaths to compose himself.

"Abigail... I... because of me, because of the way that I allowed Hannibal to manipulate her when I should have been protecting her, Abigail didn't have the opportunity to break free of that ominous shadow of her father, and... it's so unfair. She was just a child and here I am, _her culprit,_ living as though..."

"What? You feel as though you  _don't_ deserve to escape the shadow of the atrocities that you were subjected to? Will, that's..."

"And yet I truly do feel that way. As irrational as it may sound from the outside, I carry the weight of that injustice like it's a part of my body! And as you probably understand already, I also feel as though I owe some karmic debt to the universe for everything, too. So going back to the BAU is like two birds with one stone."

"Is it a stone or is it a boomerang? I feel as though you're getting  _hit_  by this decision, not healed."

"In some ways I do feel as though I'm healing. Maybe through being hit, maybe slowly, but yes. For a long time, dammit _,_  I wanted to...  _really hurt him_. To kill him. Now I feel as though I can effectively channel my deepest regrets and that white-hot anger at both myself and him into something productive."

Chilton shook his head emphatically. "That isn't enough, though." He resumed pleading: "Talking will help, too. To me at least, if no one else."

"But then am I asking far too much of you? To bear with me through every step of this? Talk me through the night terrors and the panic attacks and the dark days and – I don't want to feel like work for you."

At that reminder, Chilton’s mind ventured back to when that was _exactly_ what he wanted, to make Will a part of his work.  _How things had changed._ He also understood a little more about Will's insistence on fighting his demons alone. Always so selfless, and yet he couldn't even see it. Well, Frederick was determined to make him see matters his way.

"Relationships take work. At least I think they're supposed to. But they're worth a little compromise."  _You're worth the compromise._  "I can already tell that you feel somewhat better for having some of it off your chest; after all, I am a superb listener."

"You somehow make it easy for me today to unfurl myself to you, even after my trust has been broken so many times, because –"

Will was silenced and jumped in surprise as they heard the sound of his phone buzzing and ringing wildly from where he had left it in the kitchen. He ran over and collected it, but declined instead of answering this time.  _Jack wasn't going to be happy about that._

"I'm sorry but I should really go now."

Frederick leapt to his feet and inched towards Will. "Okay... uh, but don't go anywhere alone. Stick with that Agent Katz, I trust her infinitely more than Jack and all the morons that work for him."

"I'm inclined to agree with you on that." When push came to shove, Beverly had been the one who had helped Will prove that Lecter was both the Chesapeake Ripper and the Copycat Killer, thus freeing him, so it was hard to disagree.

"Come right back here when you're done, okay? It's Saturday so I'll make sure the dogs are fed and watered. You just..." Fear rose in Chilton's throat, but he swallowed it down. "...Come back to me, and we can keep talking." 

"I will." Will stepped closer and pulled Frederick right into a big bear hug, nestled his face into the crook of his shoulder and inhaled the sweet scent of his skin, committing it to memory. "I'll always come back to you."

"I know you can't promise me that." Chilton pulled away as he echoed the other's earlier words and Will opened his mouth as if about to protest before closing it again. "But I can promise that I will always be waiting for you. That I'll take you home and wrap you in blankets and cover you in dogs and hold you as tight as I possibly can, and stay up with you when you can't sleep right."

"Thank you  _so much."_

Will could feel almost every muscle on his face twitching with emotion as he tried not to be overcome by it. But Frederick saw it anyway.

"And Will –" he hurried to add, "I'm not only saying this, and I have no doubt that it will be challenging, but I do truly believe that you have the strength to get through this. _Especially if you let me in."_

 _"You do?"_  He did a double take as he edged towards the front door. "Even though I didn't exactly cope well before? And that's putting it lightly."

"You know, I think we need to stop using 'before' as a frame of reference.  _'Before'_  wasn't your fault. There was the encephalitis playing games with you, and Hannibal Lecter doing the very same. _That wasn't truly reflective of you."_ Frederick wanted that final declaration to get across on so many levels, and in at least some ways, it did.

"You really believe in me." With that realisation came a plethora of complicated emotions, far too entangled for Will to make very much sense of right then.

"Absolutely," Frederick assured him, nodding as he did so, and even though they weren't touching Will felt warmth spread from the middle of his chest right to the tips of his fingers and toes. "You're incredible, Will, at the work that you do and otherwise. But naturally I still..."

"...wish it didn't have to be this way."

Lips pursed, Frederick blinked slowly in assent.

"But while you feel as though you have to do it, I will try my utmost to be your refuge from that world. Your safe place."

" _Oh,_  Fred..." Will cupped the other's face in both of his shaking hands and pressed a tender kiss to his forehead, followed by his lips. "You _already are."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this got v long but I hope it gave a little more insight into their characters here!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Will returns home with another solved case in the bag, Frederick takes him gently apart and puts him back together again, the best way he knows how.

They found a routine that worked for them soon enough, and settled into it with relative ease.

When Will was occupied with a case, Frederick had become comfortable and bold enough to just move himself into the Wolf Trap house for as long as it took for Will to come back to him properly.

Yes, the commute into the city was a hassle and he still wasn't around Will anywhere near as much as he wanted to be, but at least he felt as though he was helping. Will wasn't alone when the night terrors struck, and Frederick made sure that he actually ate food and drank enough water and generally remembered to look after himself.

It was hard to watch Will unravel as he did, time after time after time, but it only served to increase Frederick's respect for the man a hundred fold. The fact that he did that work so selflessly — as much as he didn't think that of himself — it was nothing short of admirable. And the fact that he trusted Frederick enough now to let him in during fragile times, that did things to the doctor's heart that he never thought possible.

The case that Will had been working on in the first month of the new year wasn't particularly dark psychologically (well, in comparison to some of the rougher ones) but god, there were an awful lot of victims. That made it difficult. The investigators' desperation rose as fast as the body count, each death another kick in the teeth, another defeat in and of itself.

Not that he saw him much anyway but Frederick hadn't seen Will even once in the past four days, which was quite the feat considering they were technically living in the same house. But Will he was working ridiculous hours and his work had also taken him far out of state on the forensics of the latest murder.

Chilton was browsing through some patient files when it happened, waiting for the end of the work day. His phone lit up on the desk in front of him and his heart skipped a beat at the sight of Will's name on the display. As he received the call Frederick said a little prayer in his head: hoping it wasn't about another murder, hoping the case was finally all over.

Lo and behold, it was.

"We got him," Will breathed out on the other end of the line, and there relief was abundant his voice, much more so than jubilation.

"Thank God. Well done, Will."

"It wasn't as soon as we would have liked, but..."

"But you did it," Chilton emphasised. "He's not out there anymore, and that's because of  _you."_

"There's still a bit of paperwork to sort out, so I'll head back after –"

"No." There was no room for negotiation in his tone. "Come back here on the next flight. You did your job, paperwork can most certainly wait. Or if it's urgent, one of Jack's imbeciles can cover for you."

"...Okay, just give me a little bit of time to tie up the loose ends and finish up over here."

"Text me when you leave, alright?"

Frederick received that text when he was preparing to leave the hospital for the day and get on his long drive back to Wolf Trap. He quickly closed the files and returned them to their proper places in the filing cabinet beside his desk. Leaning back against the desk instead of leaving just yet, Chilton smiled contentedly to himself as they exchanged a few messages back and forth.

_I'm leaving now, should be back by 8._

_Great, I can't wait to see you._

_God, me too._

_It feels as though it's been forever._

_I know_

_Just hurry up and get home_

_Hope you don't have any plans for this weekend_

_Just you_

_Perfect._

* * * * *

The bad luck that seemed to cling to Will's being was something remarkable. His flight was delayed.

The winter sun had been down for hours when he finally reached Wolf Trap, tired and dishevelled from restless sleep on the plane. Dinner was cold and long packed away, and all of the dogs asleep. Frederick was there though, awake still, and he took it upon himself to rush to the front of the house to greet Will with as much affection as the dogs usually displayed.

"Hi..." The smile on Chilton's face as he beelined for Will could not have been wider. But he soon saw that something wasn't quite right.

"I'm exhausted." Will's voice was small and heavy and he wanted nothing more than to collapse into the safety of Frederick's arms.

"Come here." He wrapped himself around Will, one hand running up his back and its fingers raking through his hair. They kissed lazily, barely any tongue in it, before Will pulled back slightly. "Let's go inside."

Frederick guided Will to the bedroom and stripped him gently to just his boxers before pulling him under the covers. They settled quickly in the darkness, puzzle pieces fitting together. Will's head rested in the curve of Frederick's chest and his arms wrapped around him. Hoping to soothe his lover, Frederick threaded his fingers gently through his soft locks. Will hummed his contentment, barely audible.

That was where sleep found them, in that warm and safe embrace. Unusually for such a delicate time, Frederick wasn't woken even once by Will having a troublesome night, and that was because he didn't have one. They both slept soundly, stress rolling off their burdened shoulders and being replaced by a lovely serenity.

What Frederick was woken by, at a fairly acceptable time in the morning, was something hard and familiar pressing against his hip.

"Oh. Hello."

Will blushed, with no way to hide that. "It's been almost a month, Frederick."

"Three weeks, give or take. But I know," he sighed dramatically. "Believe me,  _I know."_

"You haven't, uh – relieved yourself?"

"No," he said with a chuckle, "Believe it or not, I have been rather busy too. And, uh... have been waiting for you."

With those words Chilton leaned over and placed his lips against that one spot behind Will's ear that always left him weak at the knees. It was a good thing he wasn't standing then.

"Jesus, Frederick." He inhaled sharply, already so affected, "are we doing this now?"

"No time like the present," Frederick insisted, rolling his body onto Will and beginning to rut against him languorously with the duvet half caught between them.

"Oh, I'm inclined to agree with you on that."

Despite not being the one that regularly woke up already hard, it took Frederick mere seconds to get well on his way. Three weeks was far,  _far_  too long.

"Talk to me," Frederick implored as he mouthed at the warm, stubbly skin of Will's neck. "How do you feel?"

"Ever the psychiatrist, huh?"

Will maneuvered his head to make a feeble attempt to distract his boyfriend with his lips; they kissed deep but slow, revelling in that lazy morning feeling. It was no doubt unwillingly but Chilton broke away to stress his question.

"I mean it."

"I've been feeling so... unmoored, like I could just float away with the slightest gust of wind, lose myself completely. Maybe it was the only way to cope with how fast the case progressed, all the vic–"

Frederick placed a finger to his lips to stop him. He appreciated Will's honesty, but he had heard enough. He wasn't planning on making Will relive it all there and then. Quite the opposite.

"I know. You need something to ground you in the now, here."

"Some _one_. You."

Will wriggled gracelessly to shrug down his boxers and then Frederick's too, leaving them tangled only in the bedsheets. Mirroring the other's urgency, Frederick groaned in desperation as their cocks rubbed together again, already slick with precum, at what was becoming a frustratingly slow pace. Impatient, he edged away, ready for Will to roll him back onto the bed and take the lead.

But he didn't.

"I need you," Will proclaimed instead, his voice shaky and a touch hesitant.

It was then that Frederick recognised one of his slightly cryptic ways of asking to be taken care of. He silently wished that Graham wouldn't feel guilty or ashamed of asking for what  _he_  needed, for once, considering how giving he was, considering how he tended not to miss opportunities to shower Frederick with love himself. But Will was different now, quiet and vulnerable in a way that made Frederick itch to fulfill his every last desire.

"Then you have me," Frederick promised with a chaste press of his lips to the other's temple. 

Nine out of ten times when they took things in that direction it was Will who led the way, who topped; it was how they both liked it. And yet it was incredible how in tune they were, incredible how the stars would align for that tenth time. So often when Frederick felt an impetus to take charge of his love it coincided with Will craving being spoiled, looked after, grounded back in reality by the physical. It went without saying now that this was one of those occasions.

Aching for everything, Frederick took it upon himself to show rather than tell, to show Will just how much he meant to him. Will needed to reset himself that night and Frederick fully intended to take him apart and put him back together again the right way, to keep him strong and resilient in the face of everything out there in the world that might threaten his peace of mind. 

He promptly wrestled his way out from under the covers and let them slide down off the bed onto the floor, leaving Will exposed. With a hungry look in his eyes he crawled back towards the foot of the bed, hands sliding down Will's body as he did so. Goosebumps flew up across his skin in the wake of Chilton's touch but he couldn't focus on that for very long because of what happened next.

With a strong grasp Frederick held onto both sides of Will's hips, nails only just dipping into the soft skin as he buried his face into Will's crotch.

Lower lip caught between his teeth, Will luxuriated in the other man's touch, savouring every little nip at the sensitive skin of his inner thighs, every kiss and lovebite in the trail burned into his flesh. Then came the push and pull, skilled fingers dedicated to making a real event out of preparing Will. Efficient without quite rushing, Frederick found the perfect pace to keep Will on his toes.

"Fff-fuck, Fred, yes..." He urged him on as his head rolled back and his breath grew ragged.

God, it was a rare treat to hear Graham vocalising his descent into mindless satisfaction; music to Frederick's ears. He crooked his fingers to reach Will's sweet spot and the way that he keened, so beautifully sensitive beneath him, made Frederick's eyes darken at the glorious sight. Pupils blown with desire, he retreated and watched on as Graham spread his legs, letting out a weak sigh in anticipation.

"C'mon, fuck me," Will mumbled, looking positively  _wrecked_  already, damp curls sticking to the side of his face and a blush rising from his cheeks all the way down his chest.

Oh, Frederick was  _blessed_.

"I intend to."

He tried to ease himself inside of Will with some delicacy, but even as his whole body tensed up Will immediately crossed his ankles behind Frederick's back, drawing him in even further, yearning for more. To begin with, Frederick adopted slow and shallow movements, but as their weary, sleep-soaked bodies awakened fully they couldn't help but gravitate towards each other with force. It was wanton, the way that they pushed ever closer together, poorly coordinated but good enough.

While Will had moaned his pleasure as he grew accustomed to the stretch of Frederick's cock inside of him, he soon went quiet. Silent. He internalised, as happened so easily for him when emotionally overwhelmed. For once, though, the mix of emotions that reverberated through his being were no one else's but his own.

Only Frederick did that to him, only Frederick made him feel so much of his own self.

"Will?" Firm hands searched out Graham's own and entwined with them before pinning them up and back against the bedsheets. "I need to hear you, honey, need to hear what you want..."

"Y-yes," Will choked out, "This – please don't stop, y– right there..."

Frederick's thrusts became punctuated by somewhat involuntary but hugely satisfied little groans from Will, as he melted further and further into a boneless puddle against the bedsheets.

What they did was always  _making love,_  even when things were rougher and faster, harder, but Will could have sworn that it was never more intimate than it was then. With every single ministration the case, the rest of the world, it all slipped away, no longer tangible in Will's mind. The commanding physical sensations that ravaged his body drove away his psychological burden until there was only him, Frederick and their love, love that warmed him from the inside out.

The legs wrapped possessively around Frederick's waist tightened their grip, pulling their bodies flush together so that Will could kiss the breath out of him. Taking a few moments rest, Frederick slowed the rhythm of his motions and stretched up to rest his forehead against Will's.

"I love you," he breathed out, drowning in the sea of those bright blue eyes, his own brimming with affection. "I love you so much, Will."

Will's voice was quieter still, clearly affected by the sincerity in Frederick's eyes and his words. "I lo– love you too. You're everything, Fred..."

Chilton took a second to smile fondly at that, then jolted his hips to leave them both gasping for air. He laid a single finger on Will's left cheek.

"You're gorgeous, you're so... I don't know what I did to deserve you."

"Hhhuhh," Will exhaled, no longer capable of stringing words together, ascending to another plane of bliss entirely. 

It was a slow but deep grind, tender, every thrust forceful and filled with conviction, rippling through Will's body just as if it were a continuation of Frederick's own. 

All of a sudden, everything was too much and all at once. A flood of emotion washed over him and Will was only alerted to how close he was to crying when his vision began to blur. On his part, as soon as he noticed, Frederick leaned up to kiss away the tears that had pooled in the corners of Will's eyes before they could slide down his face. 

"Shh, I've got you."

He grew gentle again, mouth moving slow and languorous, just like his body, as he kissed along the dip of Will's collarbone, savouring the slight salty taste and smooth texture of his skin. So tight around him, Will's warmth was intoxicating and Frederick stuttered in both speech and movement:

"Oh, oh god Will, I'm going to –"

Frederick staved off his orgasm through sheer willpower, muffling a hollow, frustrated groan against the other's flesh.

"I'm – close too," Will affirmed, "just... just touch me, please..."

Frederick took Will's erection in his hand and swiped his thumb over its head, pulsing his grip as he did so. Will shuddered and let his eyes lid over, surrendering to the crescendo of ecstasy that wracked his frame.

One godsent buck of Frederick's hips bullseyed right where Will needed it and simultaneously pushed his length up right up into Frederick's fist, granting such sweet friction that it pushed him over the edge. Will spilled first over Frederick's hand and then painted his own chest too, all while the unanticipated strength of his orgasm left him shaking from head to toe in rapture.

Will's bitten-down gasp of Frederick's name left Frederick with no doubts about how soon he would be following him into the abyss of pleasure. When it arrived the release was unimaginably euphoric — a wonderful relief, like the first gasp of air after holding one's breath underwater for far, far too long. 

Frederick's spine arched back into a steep curve and then buckled completely, his body dropping down again and lips converging on Will's in a final hard, hot, messy kiss. They moaned their delectation into each other's mouths before collapsing against each other, utterly spent but in the best way possible.

When he had mustered up the will and strength to move again Frederick pulled out, rolled off the other man and settled back on his side of the bed.

"How do you feel now?"

Will pondered for a brief moment. "Present," he concluded. "Alive. Well and truly  _fucked."_

Frederick allowed himself to smile, a tiny smirk that danced onto his lips. "Good?"

"Amazing."

As he nuzzled his face into the crook of Frederick's shoulder, Will lavished his neck and collarbone with countless little kisses.

"Ohh,  _ah_ , that tickles, stop." Frederick squirmed away from Will's stubble and pulled back enough to take a good look at him, still laughing with short and quiet exhales. "You're really okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." He nodded only once but it felt genuine and therefore convincing enough. "Just, you know, needed to forget."

"I'm happy to help you with that."

Seemingly out of nowhere, a profound somberness swept over Graham's face. "When there's you," he began to explain, "there's just... nothing else."

Lost for words, Frederick felt his face responding for him, a noticeable blush blooming on the apples of his cheeks.

"So thank you," added Will, earnest and clearly so very moved by what had just passed between them.

"You never need to thank me –"

"I do. For loving me like you do."

"Always." Frederick was too blissed out to read into the deeper meaning of that promise — and so was Will. "So...?"

"So what?"

"Breakfast?" His eyes glinted with excitement. "It's Saturday;  _surely_ I have earned a batch of your special pancakes?"

"Mmm, it's not morning yet," Will insisted.

"What do you mean it isn't...?"

Will made a show of closing his eyes and twisting closer to the welcome warmth of his lover. Then he pulled his trump move, which involved throwing a heavy arm over Frederick's chest in order to trap him where he lay. 

"Wait," Frederick protested, "what about the bedsheets, we're all messy –"

"It's been  _three weeks;_ there's no way I'm letting you out of bed today. These sheets haven't seen the half of it yet. You, Doctor Chilton, are _all mine."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is!
> 
> I loved writing these two being all lovey and I hope it was also fun to read!
> 
> Thank you for reading <3  
> Please drop me a comment if you enjoyed this, and I might write more of these two being adorable and besotted

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback and kudos are greatly appreciated, they honestly keep me writing!
> 
> Come yell at me about these two dorks on tumblr @xevinx


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